06 December 2007

Stupidity in Action

Anthony Smith, second-year defensive back for the Pittsburgh Steelers, has guaranteed a win against the thus-far undefeated New England Patriots.

Aww, dude... that's just straight-up ignorant. And not in a "lacking information" either - that's ignorant in a full-on, Chris Rock, face twisted, voice-screech, barely intelligible, I-can't-believe-you-said-that way. Don't do that, dude.

How is this wrong?
First off, you're a nobody. You're a second-year third-round pick from Syracuse who's only starting because the guy in front of you got hurt a month and a half ago. Rodney Harrison has never heard of you. Most of the country has never heard of you. You haven't earned the right to make a guarantee.

Second, you're playing against the Patriots. You know, the seemingly unstoppable football machine that hasn't lost yet this year and is on pace to set numerous all-time offensive records? The team that, when confronted with the slightest hint of potential opposition reacts in much the same way that Jabba's Rancor does when suddenly presented with a defenseless green dancing girl?

Third, you're a free safety, and you're going to be trying to cover Randy Moss. There's a high probability that, at some point during Sunday's game, you're going to be left sitting on your butt while Moss celebrates yet another touchdown catch. This should be a rule: if you're going to wind up sitting on your butt while the player you're supposed to cover celebrates yet another touchdown catch, don't make a guarantee. You'll just look stupid.

Of course, you already look stupid, and the game hasn't even started yet. Way to go, Einstein.

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