08 March 2008

2008 NFL Draft All-Name Team: Defense and Special Teams

In the first installment of this two-part miniseries, two things were established. First: that that is not an intrinsically cool word. Second: that there are several NFL-draft-eligible players with humorous and/or fun names. We continue our list in this post, and shift our focus to the defensive side of the ball.

DE: Wallace Gilberry, Alabama
I've always been partial to the name Wallace. William... Alfred Russel... George... Okay, so nix that last one. But it's still a cool name. And Gilberry just straight-up sounds cool. Or if not cool, at least... pleasant.
DT: Letroy Guion, Florida State
It's always good to have one guy whose name can be pronounced in a snooty manner with a faux-French accent, preferably while holding a glass of expensive wine and looking down the bridge of one's nose. Guion fits the bill.
OLB: Jolonn Dunbar, Boston College
I hope, at some point during the upcoming season, to see a play in which Jolonn Dunbar tackles tight end Joe Jon Finley. If it happens during a Monday Night Football broadcast, I fear that Tony Kornheiser will simply continue speaking in rhyme, becoming a modern-day Dr. Seuss.
ILB: J Leman, Illinois
There's a sort of "Harry S Truman" situation going on here... or there would be, if the hon. Mr. Leman didn't actually have a name to go along with the initial. But he does - Jeremy - which makes his going by a single letter really, really funny.
CB: Jonathan Zenon, LSU
Zenon: Defensive Back of the Twenty-First Century!
S: Pig Brown, Missouri
With luck, this guy will become a starter somewhere, if only for the "sooey!!!" calls that would surely begin emanating from the stands.
K: Alexis Serna, Oregon State
I wonder how much teasing this guy takes about having a girl's name? I'm sure it doesn't help that he's 5'8", 170 lb. - hardly the stereotypical frame for an American football player (that is, a player of American football) - or that he's a kicker.
P: Ken Debauche, Wisconsin
Not even going to touch this one...

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