29 July 2008

Caught red-handed

Tim Donaghy wasn't a straight arrow - we know that he wasn't, the NBA knows that he wasn't, and the federal government (always the last to know anything) knows that he wasn't.

But was he a part of a larger referee conspiracy?

More importantly: did he wear makeup?

According to SportsIllustrated.com's Michael McCann, the NBA has referred to Donaghy as a "rouge, isolated criminal."

A rouge, isolated criminal? Perhaps he was eyeshadowed by FBI agents, or he now bears a mascara of shame?

Nice going, Mr. McCann - by failing to catch a single typo, you've opened Tim Donaghy up to an entirely new avenue of embarrassment:

Really bad makeup puns.

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26 July 2008

Jets have bigger needs than Favre

Reading Tim Graham's ESPN.com blog post on the impact of Brett Favre potentially joining the New York Jets, I had two questions.

First: Am I really writing two consecutive blogposts about Brett Favre, a player who I've never particularly liked?

Answer: Yes. Yes I am.

Second: Would the addition of Brett Favre radically change the dynamic of the AFC East, as Graham claimed it would?

Answer: No. No it wouldn't. Brett Favre is a good player, and he would help to improve the Jets' offense. But quarterback is only one of many areas of need the Jets must improve.

Before the Jets can mount any sort of serious attack on the Patriots, they'll need to upgrade several facets of their team. Quarterback may be one of those facets - we'll see how Kellen Clemens, the talented young quarterback from Oregon, develops this year - but it is at most only one.

Jonathan Vilma is gone, having left for the New Orleans Saints. Who will patrol the middle? At nose tackle, the Jets finally gave up on former bust Dwayne Robertson, replacing him with very talented but often-injured and rapidly-aging Kris Jenkins. Will Jenkins make it through the season? Last year, the Jets paid big money for running back Thomas Jones - and then saw him average 3.6 yards per carry. Can Jones begin to live up to his lofty billing and become even an average running back?

There's no denying that Brett Favre, for this year at least, would be an upgrade at quarterback. But there's also no denying that the Jets have other, more pressing needs, needs that adding Favre would not alleviate. Favre would add firepower to their offense, help them put points on the board. But unless the Jets have answers for their other questions, adding Favre would be a showy move that would accomplish little in terms of helping the Jets advance in their division.

24 July 2008

Brett Favre being traded... for a new pleather couch!

According to a story from TwinCities.com (a story brought to my attention by Jack from Atlanta), the Green Bay Packers are seeking "a third-round pick plus another asset, preferably a player, in exchange for Favre."

Preferably a player? As opposed to... a brand new set of office furniture? An autographed portrait of Vai Sikahema? Twelve dozen footballs and $2500?

It's not the typical sort of error that I expose in my article - but it made me chuckle.

Have a great day, everyone.

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22 July 2008

Things don't quite add up

From an otherwise excellent article by ESPN.com's Sam Alipour detailing the festivities at the ESPY awards and various after-parties: "Manning (with help from security personnel) denied all camera-totting fans, including the Pussycat Dolls."

According to Merriam-Webster Online, to tot is to add up or to total scores; therefore, totting is the process thereof. So... Eli Manning (I'll assume that it was Eli - the article didn't specify, but the note on Manning followed one on Sam Madison, who is one of Eli's teammates) denied some unspecified goal to all fans who were busily adding up cameras.

Hmm.

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19 July 2008

That's a pretty good offense right there

From ESPN.com's Jeremy Green: "The Bears need to find a way to fix a defense that was once a top-five unit, but last season fell to 28th in the league in total offense, allowing 354.7 yards per game."

The Bears' defense was 28th in the league in total offense? I'm impressed. Or... not...

Have a great day, everyone.

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16 July 2008

Former Gators: where are they now?

Anthony Roberson finally made it! After leaving early for the NBA and landing with a resounding thud on the roster of the D-League's Arkansas RimRockers (try to get the visual of Roberson crushing eleven other guys out of your head now... bet you can't), the shoot first, pass never point guard signed a two-year deal with the New York Knicks, where ESPN.com is speculating he may replace shoot first, pass never point guard Stephon Marbury. Good for Roberson!

Matt LaPorta, he of the tremendous bat and somewhat questionable fielding prowess, is currently in the process of making it! LaPorta was recently the centerpiece of the Brewers' trade for Cy Young candidate C.C. Sabathia, and now will headline the U.S. Olympic baseball team. Good for LaPorta!

Finally, Teddy DuPay, scrappy ex-Gator point guard and one of the catalysts of UF's ascent to the elite levels of college basketball, has also made it... unfortunately, he (allegedly) made it with a woman who did not wish to be a part of the making process. Good for... well, actually good for nobody. DuPay has (allegedly) been a screwup since he left the Gators in the midst of gambling charges, and his (alleged) continued decline has (allegedly) really sucked to watch. Here's hoping he gets things together soon.

15 July 2008

An impressive number

From the Army section of ESPN's Blue Ribbon College Football Yearbook, and specifically the section on the Black Knights' special teams: "Trimble, who was also the Black Knights' best receiver, ranked 11th in the FBS in punt-return yards (14.7) and became the first player in Army history to return three punts for touchdowns in a career."

While I'm sure that Jeremy Trimble was an excellent punt returner, he must have returned four or five or, I don't know, 19 punts, so having 14.7 punt-return yards isn't really all that impressive.

Now if he'd had a 14.7-yard punt-return average (as, you know, he actually did) and that 14.7 punt-return yard total had been just a typo (as, you know, it actually was)... that would have been quite good.

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12 July 2008

Dent is co-ownded

From the subheading of a Ben Reiter article on Bucky Dent: "Dent is co-ownded a baseball school in Florida for 31 years."

The first sentence of that same article: "Swearing prohibited at Bucky Dent's baseball school in Delray Beach, Fla., so even the Red Sox fans among its sweet-swinging student body are technically forbidden from uttering the makeshift middle name that the school's co-owner earned 30 years ago this October."

Nice work, dude.

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10 July 2008

The Pursuit of Mr. Blue

When I was in middle school, I was given a book of short stories by G.K. Chesterton entitled The Complete Father Brown.

One of my favorite stories within the collection was "The Pursuit of Mr. Blue," and featured a mystery in which a murderer, by virtue of having been seen first, was assumed to have been innocent, while his victim, because of having been seen after the first, presumably innocent, man, was assumed to have been pursuing him with some unseemly goal (murder).

When I read this article from ESPN.com writer Josh Pahigian, and encountered "Daytona Beach manager Bobby Hoffman," I naturally assumed that "Hoffman," the first spelling of the name I encountered, was correct, and that the "Hofman" which appeared throughout the rest of the article was a repeated error.

Then I Googled both names, and found out that "Bobby Hofman" was a respected baseball player, scout, and manager, while "Bobby Hoffman" was most notable for fighting MMA artist Fedor Emelianenko in a series of cage fights.

Lessons to be learned from this somewhat extended explanation:

1. Never assume that the first spelling of a name in an article is the correct one.
2. Josh Pahigian failed to proofread his article before submitting it.

Have a great day, everyone!

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07 July 2008

A far more difficult event

A headline from the ESPN.com front page: "After all the highs and lows, the U.S. track and field trials proved once again why it's a far more difficult event than the Olympics."

Mwha?

Mwha?

Beg pardon?

Brass camp people are walking towards me as I type this, so I've got to finish the post without adding analysis. Sad. Almost as sad as that headline.

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Below the league average?

Today's stating-the-obvious-but-somehow-managing-to-mess-it-up award goes to ESPN.com's Keith Law, who in an article on MLB All-Star selections notes that [San Francisco Giants closer Brian] "Wilson's ERA (4.37) is below the NL average (4.27), even though he pitches in a pitchers' park."

I'd like to note (given that Law didn't) that 4.37 is, in fact, more than 4.27.

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02 July 2008

How do I love Joe Morgan? Let me count the ways...

Sometimes, I wish that I had ESPN Insider. This is one of those times.

Why?

Because in the first two answers provided in this chat by "Hall of Famer and ESPN baseball analyst Joe Morgan," the alleged professional commits a number of errors that strain credulity, and I have no doubt that were I able to access the entire chat, the rest of the transcript would be of similar quality.

Transcript of first two questions and answers:

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sean jacksonville,fl: you agree that the reds should trade grifey?

Joe Morgan: That is a tough question for me because I was a Red when he was a little kid in the clubhouse and his dream was ro play for the Reds. I think that dream has not lived up to expectations, so I think they maybe should trade him to a contander so he has chance to play for a World Series. But is has to be mutual; Griffey has to want it and the Reds have to want it.

sean (levittown, PA): I think the Phillies should get another starting pitcher like C.C. Sabathia. What do you think?

Joe Morgan: Well I think every team needs another starting pitcher, it's not like the Phillies are the only ones. But they do need anothe rpitchers. Starting piutching is still the No. 1 commoodity in the game and there is still a shortage of top-notch starting pitching in MLB.

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01 July 2008

Tim Lincecum are a real boy

Most of the errors I find on SportsIllustrated.com and ESPN.com are pretty simple, understandable mistakes - typos, basic grammar errors, mistakes in statistics, etcetera.

This article, however, written by SportsIllustrated.com's Tom Verducci, contains one of the most baffling subheadings I've ever read: "Tim Lincecum -- looks 18, throws 98 -- are more than an act of violence, they're a marvel of modern science."

Beg pardon?

When I first read the headline, I assumed that Verducci was saying Lincecum has multiple personalities. But then I realized that interpretation didn't make any sense, unless all of Tiny Tim's personalities were acts of violence. This headline baffles me - I literally have no idea what Verducci was trying to say.

Well done, dude.

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