02 December 2008

Two Link Tuesday: The Final (Montage) Countdown!

Today, we're doing something a little bit special: Two Link Tuesday becomes... (drumroll please) Five Link Tuesday! This isn't a lasting change - I tried to find two collections of musically enhanced martial arts training, but there were just so many classics out there that I couldn't limit myself to just two.

Do you agree with my choices? Disagree with my choices? Email me and let me know what you think.

Note: before we begin, I'd like to salute Viacom International. They put up a copyright claim on the video of South Park's "Montage," which I was originally going to put up at number 5 due to its satirical brilliance. Way to go, jerkwads... you screwed yourselves out of a top-5 ranking. Because obviously my rankings mean something to the world at large. And because Guitar Hero is obviously a form of martial arts. I mean, I actually spent time looking up evidence for Guitar Hero being a kind of fighting - which, come to think of it, speaks to my desperation to include the South Park montage on my list.

5. 8 Mile.
Not a martial arts video, you say? Well... yes. But there's fighting! Or something that's kind of like fighting - after all, Slim Shady/Eminem/Marshall Mathers/Rabbit/Jimmy is heading into a Rap Battle [tm], right?

Postscript to entry 5: 8 1/2 Mile.
8 1/2 Mile, you say?
Yes. Because it's awesome. And it gives me an excuse to tag Fellini in a post, which is something I've wanted to do for a very long time.

4. Rocky IV.
Mush, Rocky! Gee! Haw! And, dude - Drago should totally fight UFC. "I fight for me!!!" Tito Ortiz just nods his bleached-blond head. Can you imagine Drago locking in a triangle? In those shorts? I mean, dude was seriously ripped.

3. Bloodsport.
I think that Van Damme gets a bad rap sometimes. I mean, sure, he took drugs. Sure, he got beaten up in a bar by one of his own stuntmen. Sure, he beat his wife. But The Muscles from Brussels knew how to make one heckuva training montage!

2. Karate Kid.
A strong contender, and one to whom I gave momentary consideration for the top spot. "You're the best! Around!" Now there's a song that doesn't beat around the bush, doesn't - just makes me want to start punching boards or something. And now my hands hurt.

1. Rocky.
Was there ever really any doubt? The One That Started It All, and still the best. Kind of like Stallone... oh, wait, that's not quite accurate. The One That Started It All, and still the best. A true classic. It just makes me sad that when I hear the chorus singing "getting strong now" at 1:40, I imagine Jose Canseco sticking needles into Rocky's butt.

So there it is - there's our countdown. I'm not going to say that I hope you enjoyed it, because... well... (1) This is my universe. Here, I am a titan. In Greek mythology, the Titans were more powerful even than the gods. (2) I'm Spartacus. (3) FREEDOM!!! (4) I'm running a little low on sleep, thanks to finals, so I've got a right to be cranky.

Have a great day.

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